The last week I haven't been feeling great about myself.
I've worked very hard to build up my self esteem and try everyday to be body positive. I spent 25 years despising myself and saying things about myself I would NEVER say about someone else
This year I've taken a big step in moving on, stopping the self-hate and the waste of time being unhappy is. I regularly see a psychologist and try every day to stop negative self-talk before it begins. But sometimes I falter.
This week the vultures have been circling. I've been wondering if the nice things I thought about myself were maybe not true. Maybe I'm not funny, a good friend or very stylish? When I receive a compliment I can hear the unfinished sentence in my head, "you're so pretty (for a fat girl)", "you look great today (for a fat girl)", "you have a great sense of style (FOR A FAT GIRL!!)". Inevitably I feel crap about myself and angry that I'm fat before anything else (smart, funny, kind, stylish), even if those thoughts are only my own.
Even those of us who appear the most confident have a vulnerable side. And mine has been first and foremost this week. So what do I do? I tell myself these 4 things:
1) I am a million things before fat.
2) I have a body just like everyone else. And that's all it is. A body. With legs, arms, skin, that gets me from place to place.
3) The only person who's opinion on me that matters is mine.
4) The people I truly love and care about love me back.
And here's me. Knotted hair, comfy clothes, no shoes and fat body. A body, just like anybody else's, that keeps all the cool stuff about me safe :)