Monday, 2 September 2013

AUSSIE CURVES - VULNERABLE SIDE



The last week I haven't been feeling great about myself. 

I've worked very hard to build up my self esteem and try everyday to be body positive. I spent 25 years despising myself and saying things about myself I would NEVER say about someone else

This year I've taken a big step in moving on, stopping the self-hate and the waste of time being unhappy is. I regularly see a psychologist and try every day to stop negative self-talk before it begins. But sometimes I falter. 

This week the vultures have been circling. I've been wondering if the nice things I thought about myself were maybe not true. Maybe I'm not funny, a good friend or very stylish? When I receive a compliment I can hear the unfinished sentence in my head, "you're so pretty (for a fat girl)", "you look great today (for a fat girl)", "you have a great sense of style (FOR A FAT GIRL!!)". Inevitably I feel crap about myself and angry that I'm fat before anything else (smart, funny, kind, stylish), even if those thoughts are only my own. 

Even those of us who appear the most confident have a vulnerable side. And mine has been first and foremost this week. So what do I do? I tell myself these 4 things:

1) I am a million things before fat. 
2) I have a body just like everyone else. And that's all it is. A body. With legs, arms, skin, that gets me from place to place. 
3) The only person who's opinion on me that matters is mine. 
4) The people I truly love and care about love me back. 

And here's me. Knotted hair, comfy clothes, no shoes and fat body. A body, just like anybody else's, that keeps all the cool stuff about me safe :)








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23 comments:

  1. Launa mckenzie2 September 2013 at 18:53

    So nice to see you share this.
    Its nice to see evan confident plus size bloggers have bad weeks.
    I myself have been going through the same thing lately and realise i need to pick my self up and be more positive about myself again.
    thanks for sharing this !
    Launa xx
    Wowsville

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    Replies
    1. Elle Leah3 September 2013 at 18:59

      Thanks Launa, it makes it easier to pick yourself up when you know others are struggling too. All we can do is try every day :)
      Elle

      Delete
  2. Anonymous2 September 2013 at 19:16

    Great post. I have the same thought about people compliments but try my very hardest to ignore that little voice in my head.

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    Replies
    1. Elle Leah3 September 2013 at 19:00

      Thanks Lisa, that naughty voice has been my constant companion for a long time. Only now realising I'm the boss of him though :)
      Elle

      Delete
  3. SpijkerKat2 September 2013 at 19:49

    I can so relate to parts of this post, every time i'm told I have a pretty face, i hear "Shame about the body" in my head, though I'm learning to stomp this out.
    You are not only beautiful, but you are wise :) the 4 things you tell yourself are truly all that matters :)

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    Replies
    1. Elle Leah3 September 2013 at 19:02

      Thanks for the kind words :) It takes a lot of practise to stop those thoughts in their tracks but it gets easier. Something I remind myself when I feel like I take a step backward!
      Elle

      Delete
  4. Jane-Elise2 September 2013 at 20:26

    You *are* beautiful Missus! You just remember that!

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    Replies
    1. Elle Leah3 September 2013 at 19:04

      Thank you Jane-Elise! :) im getting better and learning to believe it.

      Delete
  5. Sophie2 September 2013 at 23:31

    I love what you've written here, and I think we can all relate to that negative self-talk, hey? I love the first response you had to that - "I am a million things before fat" - so spot on. You are gorgeous x

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  6. Jessica Dee3 September 2013 at 09:50

    So lovely! You look stunning in these shots! xo

    Jessica
    Toomanysequins.com

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  7. Anonymous3 September 2013 at 15:43

    My fave post yet. xox
    JD X

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  8. Jordie3 September 2013 at 23:54

    This is so relatable. It's hard to take compliments when you aren't very confident, but you are stunning! I also want that dog cushion lol x

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  9. Jackie Birch4 September 2013 at 07:49

    Love this post, what you said is so true about the body just like everyone else, I have never thought of it like that, but will do from now on :)

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  10. Anonymous4 September 2013 at 10:44

    I completely feel what you are going through, i have soo many days like this. But you are beautiful, as we all are, and we just need to keep reminding ourselves this. Love your work :)

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  11. Melissa {Suger}4 September 2013 at 22:13

    Oh hun tell that voice where to go. Seriously. It's getting between and a whole world of people looking to show you how wonderful you are. And I get it. Some days are POO. Total, absolutely poo. But don't let that voice win, it doesn't know it's butt from a hole in the ground.

    I love these photos, you look smashing in your cosy gear and top knot. Woot woo.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Rachel Gee-Bee8 September 2013 at 05:47

    You're adorable, and confidence is a daily work in progress. xx

    ReplyDelete
  13. Big girl (you are beautiful)11 September 2013 at 18:26

    Awesome post

    ReplyDelete
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